There are some players in EVE who are
content. Content to mine in highsec, or run missions, or farm FW plexes.
Content to solo roam and have frigate 1v1s, gate camp high-low gates and run at
the first sign of a real fight, or wardec newbie corporations and farm their
“special” members in hisec.
Content with the content they have
discovered, the content want nothing more than to remain content with the same content.
Dropbears does not recruit those players.
We recruit players who are hungry for more. Who aspire each day to things
bigger, and better, and more homoerotic than ever before.
I founded Dropbears in June (or
something?) 2013, roughly 9 months ago, as a 3 month old newbie who had no t2
guns trained. I also won’t publicly admit what other core skill I didn’t have
trained, but those who were with me in the beginning know.
We moved into a c2/c3/hisec hole, and did
our thing. We had fun as a group, bullshitting on coms and looking for fights,
and jewing our static when there was no other content to be found. We were
happy.
But we were also hungry.
After a time, the stars aligned, and we
moved into Valhalla, a C5/c3 which was ideal as a proving ground for our
growing corporation, and our growing pilots.
We found more fights, and with tougher
opponents. We fielded capital fleets to fight the sleeper menace. We
diplomacized with older and larger wormhole alliances, and made a name for
ourselves as the new kids on the block, who wouldn't hesitate to throw down.
That was months ago, and this is now. We
have grown bigger, stronger, more skilled. Now we are someone. Now we are ready.
This is the story of Dropbears in C6/C6
space, AKA, the deadly unknown.
[dramatization]
INT. SOMEWHERE DEEP IN DEADLY
UNKNOWN SPACE – PATRIOT’S PLEASURE PALACE – NIGHT
a DAMN PATRIOT, Black Bart Pirate, and
Thandion are sharing a naked hottub soak giving each other sensual
massages by candlelight sitting around a campfire under the mountaintop
stars while Thandion explains the concept of a “dutch rudder” staring
intently at a flickering SPACE SCREEN, which is displaying a SPACE SPREADSHEET,
which contains a SPACE LIST of C6/C6 holes and their SPACE STRATEGIC CONDITION of SPACE OCCUPANCY.
PATRIOT
Well it’s not the best home hole but it
would be really funny if we moved into C6/C6 space by evicting SOLAR
BBP
lol yeah true
THANDION
I’m a commie bastard
PATRIOT
Plus we can roll for <opsec> if we
want to once it’s over
BBP
yeh
THANDION
I’m growing tulips or something?
And so the GRAVE DECISION was made, after
much CAREFUL CONSIDERATION, to initiate operation USA USA USA, to PURGE THE COMMIE BASTARDS from C6 space and WIN ONE FOR THE GIPPER.
But this isn’t the story of the eviction,
although we did evict SOLAR and stuff, but they didn’t put a fight like even at
all, so w/e we have their caps trapped and wrecked their towers lol.
This is the story of the wondrous fountain
of shiny destruction we have discovered, that is high class wormhole
space.
EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA -
!Camp Pendleton - MORNING OR NIGHT OR SOMETHING I DON’T REMEMBER
Patriot is frantically putting on
pants taking his pants off as warning claxons sound and red lights flash and
what not
<DROPBEARS GUY #1>
NOHO rolled into us
<ASSORTED DROPBEARS GUYS>
We r gonna die
PATRIOT
lol no it’s fine. Go check out that hole
and tell me what’s on the other side
ITHICA RAMLIX
I’m a commie bastard. Also I’m here in a
sabre and there’s no NOHO on grid on their side of the hole?
VERAK PADECAIN
Dscan pretty clear and shit, just a few
guys or w/e. I’ve checked the whole system.
PATRIOT
Ok ithica bubble that shit
ITHICA RAMLIX
I’m a commie bastard, bubble up
At this point there is a bubble on NOHO’s
side of the hole, meaning that the only way for them to jump through it is to
burn through the bubble, meaning that I’m safe to warp a dread to the hole,
jump in, jump out, and close it. Normally we would see what kind of fight we
could bring, but we were on a SRS BSNS eviction operation. Ain’t nobody got
time for those shenanigans.
Unfortunately I am good at EVE and
therefore did not consider the possibility that NOHO’s assault carrier had
LITERALLY ENTERED WARP RIGHT BEFORE ITHICA BUBBLED BUT NOT APPEARED ON DSCAN
YET and therefore although all seemed clear, there was in fact a hostile
carrier about to land on 0 and jump into us.
EXT. POLARIS – STILL NO IDEA WHAT
TIME IT IS I’M NOT EVEN AWAKE AT THIS POINT
At this point NOHO, using deep (like, old
school deep) safes has FOOLED US A TRICKERY, and due to WORMHOLE REASONS, my dread is TRAPPED in their hole, and their fleet is trapped in
my hole.
PATRIOT
<DROPBEARS GUYS>
…
<NOHO>
We are commie bastards, lol u r trap in
here with us, sing a song for ransom your pod after we blow your ship
PATRIOT
<sings song>
<NOHO>
M8! Here we scanned you an exit, please
continue to feed us kills scrub v0v also we are commie bastards
PATRIOT
Thx see you next time <hopefully in
USTZ, you commie fucks>
EXT. J144436 – OP: USA USA USA – STILL NO
IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS
What I should have been doing is focus on
the fight at home, since my dread was dead no matter what (although I warped it
around for like 7 minutes before they scanned me down lol). If I had reacted
quickly and properly, we would have been able to potentially destroy their
entire 30b ISK fleet.
Unfortunately, my small monkey brain was
unable to handle that prioritization task, and although we attempted to
interdict them as they exited our hole, we managed to kill only a proteus in exchange for a few bunch of our ships (our triage was late landing on field, we are still new plz 2 forgive, and
those 2 bships were lost earlier attempting to combat roll the hole).
PATRIOT
…well shit
<DROPBEARS GUYS>
…
PATRIOT
V0v didn’t want that dread anyway/already
replaced/dead inside pls let me win eve for a few moments before we continue
with this operation
Potential for a great brawl. Capital
explosions. T3 explosions. Wow so shiny. Even though the outcome wasn’t what we
might have hoped, I and hopefully by extension all our FCs have learned several
valuable lessons about manipulating wormhole mechanics to our advantage. GF NOHO thanks for the lessons and see you next time
But BOB was just getting started with us.
EXT. J144436 – OP: USA USA USA – TIME HAS
BECOME ETHEREAL
Patriot is doing his thing and some of our
newbros who are showing incredible initiative, have scanned the shit out of
some ridiculous chains.
<DROPBEARS SCOUT>
There’s some dudes in here.
PATRIOT
Cool can you tackle them please also
everyone get in your pew pew ships
Fleet forms up, all too slowly for
Patriot’s liking, as intel comes up on the hostiles: an AHAC and dictor, and a
few others in t3s chilling in a POS.
PATRIOT
Ok we have plenty for to fight like 5
dudes, let’s just go before they fuck off
<DROPBEARS FLEET>
<just goes before they fuck off>
<DROPBEARS SCOUT>
lol archon on scan in warp to hole
PATRIOT
fuckn, sweet. Put on your big boy pants
dudes everyone come
Patriot pings for fleet numbers and more
Dropbears log on, however once again expose my inexperience in high-class
wormhole mechanic manipulation shows, like a hot, shaven cameltoe. The hostile
Archon jumped through the hole and back, limiting our reinforcement potential
by reducing the available jump mass on the hole.
<DROPBEARS SCOUT>
The hole collapsed
PATRIOT
Shit
<DROBPEARS TRAPPED FLEET>
Pew pew pew pew
PATRIOT
<furiously multiboxing guardians>
<makes guardian mistake and one
asplodes>
shit
<DROBPEARS TRAPPED FLEET>
????
PATRIOT
Ok we need to get away from this archon,
everyone fly towards the sun and pull them out of rep range
There were a few things I could have done
that would have made that fight go very differently, but in the end we got
spanked pretty hard because Archon stronke.
BBP was mad at me for welping t3s while we
were in the middle of an eviction =( With good reason: that wasn’t the best
plan for success. In my defense I am bad at this game. GF to The Hole Next Door
and much respect for the fight.
But the action still hadn’t started.
EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA –
LIKE NOON OR SOMETHING
PATRIOT
Oh isn’t that POS coming out
<DROPBEARS GUY #17>
yeah lol
PATRIOT
O lol ok let me log on and kill it hey
bart come log on and kill this POS with me
BBP
What? I was asleep
<explodes and drops shit loot>
<explodes and drops shit loot>
So, technically the eviction was over.
But, the action, it had not yet started.
EXT. J144436 – OP: USA USA USA – HOW CAN
TIME BE REAL IF OUR EYES AREN’T REAL
Patriot is doing his thing and some of our
newbros who are showing incredible initiative, have scanned the shit out of
some ridiculous chains. (yes again)
<DROPBEARS SCOUT>
Hey there’s an Augoror Navy in the chain
PATRIOT
Where? Oh nvm he’s right here lol
<scram pew pew pew> Also everyone log on and get in fleet and come help
We had seen several from this corp in the
chain, and as we began to bring more dudes, so did they.
INT. <OPSEC> - PATRIOT’S PLEASURE
PALACE – 1 HOUR LATER
PATRIOT
Yeah you CAN BE USEFUL with Logi IV
in a Guardian
LEX KAIMON
Yeah I was Logi IV in that last fight lol
PATRIOT
Oh that’s why we got neuted out and died
lol
EXT. J125215 – OP:USA USA USA – IF
EVERYONE DROPPED OUT OF EVE-UNI THE WHOLE UNIVERSE WOULD BE MORE INTELLIGENT
PATRIOT
Get the cap chain back up my Guardian is
going down
LEX KAIMON
ze Geddon, she is neuting!
PATRIOT
<explodes>
At this point we had only one guardian,
and fairly equal numbers, and I expected to incur some HEAVY LOSSES.
Fortunately more reinforcements were arriving, and I was awake and on point
enough to use wormhole tactics to my advantage.
PATRIOT
Rape that fucking geddon. If you get low
in armor just jump through and hold cloak. I need someone to go on the other
side of the hole and kill off their guys who bail.
ANIKAH ANDROMEDA
Ok <jumps through and wrecks their
dudes who jump through in low structure lol>
<SOME DROPBEARS NEWBIES>
lol jumped through but didn’t hold cloak
and exploded
PATRIOT
v0v already replaced?
<RANDOM WORMHOLE GUYS WE ARE
FIGHTIN>
Nice. We had finally run across a group that
we could proudly dickslap with our superior dick size, as opposed to getting
dickslapped by their superior dick size. GF TRANSCENDENT SEDITION much respect
for fast formup and bringing the fight, sorry for blob.
But the action still hadn’t started.
EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA –
TIME: COMMUNIST
Deep in the twerking hours of COMMIE TZ,
some crazy shit happened.
I’ll get a full report from my FCs who
were on field and put it in here.
Basically we teamed up with Sleepers
Social Club, one of the chillest alliances in jspace, also home to CSM members
James Arget and Chitsa Jason, and #dumpstered some Russians.
Shoutouts to SSC for being bros and U N K
N O W N for bringing the fight <3
EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA – TIME: ALSO COMMUNIST
Oh and then apparently we blobbed theshit out of TLC and killed a couple of their t3s or something? It kind of
blends together at this point, especially when my corporation is out there
getting kills, and I’m at work, writing internet spaceship stories working
very hard on work things.
And all of that in about 3 days
span.
OPERATION: USA USA USA was declared a
success, and we embarked on our more important mission. The mission to claim
our destiny.
We spent a combined total of probably 16+
hours rage rolling our static, that is, collapsing it intentionally over and
over again to connect to a different C6, so that we could get a connection
directly from the OP: USA hole into our intended new home. Finally, we did
connect, and after we put so many ships through it that it collapsed, BOB
smiled upon us and we immediately reconnected to it. We cleaned up the last of
the wreckage in SOLAR’s ex-home, and completed our space-migration into our new
home.
In actuality, where we now live is not
OPSEC. Anyone powerful enough to harm us already knows we are here.
We live in a C6/C6 Red Giant. It is the
only C6/C6 Red Giant in the game.
After nine months of no madding our way
across jspace, we have finally arrived to claim our ancestral birthright
amongst the stars.
Dropbears, we are home <3
Good post ADP. Can CMG have our C6 back now that you found a home? ;) Good writing. I enjoy every post.
ReplyDeletego for it ;) I'd suggest a different static though, that c1 =(((
Delete