Purge the Heretic Ch. 3: I Accidentally an Eviction

Purge the Heretic Ch. 3: I Accidentally an Eviction

As I observed in my last ode to BOB, some days you run into someone who can change your game forever. Some days you run across a series of coincidences so unlikely that you are sure the VOICE of BOB is speaking to you. Today (not actually today) was one of those days.

There are 348 Class 1 wormholes in EVE. There is a single constellation of Class 6 wormholes with Class 1 statics. The odds of 2 C6/C1s sharing a static are 348 to 1. The odds of me logging on in the morning Freedom time, scanning down the chain to get an alt out of our last target system, finding one of the 6 other C6/C1s was connected, finding a lonely large POS with a Revelation floating, and finding a direct losec connection capable of supporting a capital assault fleet? Approximately 3720 to 1.

BOB spoke to us with the loudest, most clear voice imaginable. Everything was lined up for a purge. I couldn't resist. 

However, duty to the alliance came first, and BOB would bless us during our operation if we began by shedding the blood of kspace tryhards. BRAVE Alliance leadership was calling for caps to be on standby for an R64 operation, and we had to purchase new dreads for BOB's work regardless. Running around like headless chickens, we sent blockade runners, cyno alts, freighters, and cap pilots in shuttles across the galaxy in the scramble to fit and fuel a fresh archon and 2 newly purchased dreads. 

The chain went up just as Alliance FCs called for dreads to be ready, and the BAERS cap fleet cynoed onto Barle HQ Undock. Then, moments later, the order to stand down. At least we got to look cool and wear our stunnas on at night.

Due to <circumstances>, it was several hours before our fleet was reformed and ready for BOB's work. And holy fuck the c1 static to kspace was in the ass end of nowhere. 7o to my hero subcap fleet who did 30+ jumps into some dumbass losec area to stage. And then, evictus interruptus: a new signature spawned in the target hole, meaning a new wormhole, probably a c6. Meaning, hostiles. Meaning, a fight? 

I checked it out, and BOB displayed HIS sense of humor: it was <RE D ACT ED>   < RED ACTED> < REDACTED>< REDACTED><REDACTED><REDAC TED>< REDA   CTED><RC I  BET  YO U THINK YOU'RE   PRETT Y CLEVE R DON 'T Y OU YOU FUCKING C UNT  C TED><REDA C TED><R EDAC T ED><R EDAC TED><REDACT ED><REDACTED><RED ACTE D><REDACTED><RED ACT ED><REDACTED><REDACTED><REDACTED>

  After much devious scheming by the Baers, <REDACTED><REDACTED> did something unexpected:<REDACT ED> <RE      DACTED><REDACTED><REDACT ED><REDACTED><RED ACTED>< >< RED ACTED><REDACTE D><RED ACTED><REDACTED><RE DACTED><REDA  CTED><REDACTED><REDAC TED><REDA CTED><REDACTED><RE DACTED>

So, our hopes were dashed. After a 12 hour day for me, and 8-10 hours for many of my members prepping, moving, waiting for this operation, <REDACTED> <REDACTED> and the operation was impossible. I had to call it off.

But BOB works in mysterious ways. We logged off in the hole for the night, because wormholes and reasons and it made sense trust me.

I logged on the next day to scan down our new kspace exit, and found one. But not the one I expected. I found a freshly spawned connection to losec. Two days in a row, BOB spawned for us a capital capable losec hole, something which I honestly have never seen before. 

The message was clear. BOB commanded the purge.

As for the rest, it was largely uneventful. The residents proved their unworthiness by failing to even attempt a fight. We RFed and rapecaged the single hostile POS. I convo'd the corp CEO and anyone else I could think to contact who might want to save their POS by paying BOB's ransom, but they foolishly declined to submit. During the night USTZ, they hilariously attempted to bring in a squad of Yulai Federation bombers, but through the heroic efforts of our EU FC Thandion (lol), they failed to even enter the hole.

BOB smiled upon us again, as the heretics had set their stront timer for 24 hours: the worst possible for the defenders and the best possible for us. Protip: don't set your POS to come out at your enemy's primetime.

Also sometime during the night BBP killed a tengu or something. Another protip: 60% of the time, BBP's cloaked in a proteus watching you, every time.

As the RF timer ticked down the next day, we circled the POS in cloakies, hoping they would attempt some sort of breakout or any resistance whatsoever. Alas, heretics will be heretics, and they resisted in the only way heretics know how: by self destructing each of their ships in turn, from hulks to rohks, and all manner of vessel the unfaithful are wont to fly. 

A comedy drake did attempt to pop one of our bubbles and make his escape, which couldn't have been more hilarious if it had been an EVE sitcom. The self destructing continued until, minutes before the RF timer was up, there was only a piloted Archon and an empty Revelation left. 

The Archon pilot safe logged where he sat, unable to bear witness to his shame. We knocked down the POS and captured what little treasure the heretics had called their own.

You may notice that I failed to name the operation, or even the corp which we purged. They were unworthy even of a name. We never officially named their hole, deigning only to call it "TARGET." And so another cult of the unworthy was purged, and BOB's name was praised. 

And HE rewarded HIS faithful with yet another capital ready connection through a wandering C5 into null the very next day, and the cap squad made its way back to Barleguet, home of the BRAVE.

BOB be praised.