Friday, May 2, 2014

PURGE THE HERETIC, Ch. 4: OPERATION: USA USA USA


There are some players in EVE who are content. Content to mine in highsec, or run missions, or farm FW plexes. Content to solo roam and have frigate 1v1s, gate camp high-low gates and run at the first sign of a real fight, or wardec newbie corporations and farm their “special” members in hisec. 

Content with the content they have discovered, the content want nothing more than to remain content with the same content. 

Dropbears does not recruit those players. We recruit players who are hungry for more. Who aspire each day to things bigger, and better, and more homoerotic than ever before.

I founded Dropbears in June (or something?) 2013, roughly 9 months ago, as a 3 month old newbie who had no t2 guns trained. I also won’t publicly admit what other core skill I didn’t have trained, but those who were with me in the beginning know. 

We moved into a c2/c3/hisec hole, and did our thing. We had fun as a group, bullshitting on coms and looking for fights, and jewing our static when there was no other content to be found. We were happy.

But we were also hungry.

After a time, the stars aligned, and we moved into Valhalla, a C5/c3 which was ideal as a proving ground for our growing corporation, and our growing pilots.

We found more fights, and with tougher opponents. We fielded capital fleets to fight the sleeper menace. We diplomacized with older and larger wormhole alliances, and made a name for ourselves as the new kids on the block, who wouldn't hesitate to throw down.

That was months ago, and this is now. We have grown bigger, stronger, more skilled. Now we are someone. Now we are ready. 

This is the story of Dropbears in C6/C6 space, AKA, the deadly unknown.

[dramatization] 

INT.  SOMEWHERE DEEP IN DEADLY UNKNOWN SPACE – PATRIOT’S PLEASURE PALACE – NIGHT

a DAMN PATRIOT, Black Bart Pirate, and Thandion are sharing a naked hottub soak giving each other sensual massages by candlelight sitting around a campfire under the mountaintop stars while Thandion explains the concept of a “dutch rudder” staring intently at a flickering SPACE SCREEN, which is displaying a SPACE SPREADSHEET, which contains a SPACE LIST of C6/C6 holes and their SPACE STRATEGIC CONDITION of SPACE OCCUPANCY.

PATRIOT

Well it’s not the best home hole but it would be really funny if we moved into C6/C6 space by evicting SOLAR

BBP

lol yeah true

THANDION

I’m a commie bastard

PATRIOT

Plus we can roll for <opsec> if we want to once it’s over

BBP

yeh 

THANDION

I’m growing tulips or something? 


And so the GRAVE DECISION was made, after much CAREFUL CONSIDERATION, to initiate operation USA USA USA, to PURGE THE COMMIE BASTARDS from C6 space and WIN ONE FOR THE GIPPER

But this isn’t the story of the eviction, although we did evict SOLAR and stuff, but they didn’t put a fight like even at all, so w/e we have their caps trapped and wrecked their towers lol.

This is the story of the wondrous fountain of shiny destruction we have discovered, that is high class wormhole space. 

EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA - !Camp Pendleton -  MORNING OR NIGHT OR SOMETHING I DON’T REMEMBER

Patriot is frantically putting on pants taking his pants off as warning claxons sound and red lights flash and what not

<DROPBEARS GUY #1>

NOHO rolled into us

<ASSORTED DROPBEARS GUYS>

We r gonna die

PATRIOT

lol no it’s fine. Go check out that hole and tell me what’s on the other side

ITHICA RAMLIX

I’m a commie bastard. Also I’m here in a sabre and there’s no NOHO on grid on their side of the hole? 

VERAK PADECAIN

Dscan pretty clear and shit, just a few guys or w/e. I’ve checked the whole system.

PATRIOT

Ok ithica bubble that shit

ITHICA RAMLIX

I’m a commie bastard, bubble up

At this point there is a bubble on NOHO’s side of the hole, meaning that the only way for them to jump through it is to burn through the bubble, meaning that I’m safe to warp a dread to the hole, jump in, jump out, and close it. Normally we would see what kind of fight we could bring, but we were on a SRS BSNS eviction operation. Ain’t nobody got time for those shenanigans.

Unfortunately I am good at EVE and therefore did not consider the possibility that NOHO’s assault carrier had LITERALLY ENTERED WARP RIGHT BEFORE ITHICA BUBBLED BUT NOT APPEARED ON DSCAN YET and therefore although all seemed clear, there was in fact a hostile carrier about to land on 0 and jump into us.


EXT.  POLARIS – STILL NO IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS I’M NOT EVEN AWAKE AT THIS POINT

At this point NOHO, using deep (like, old school deep) safes has FOOLED US A TRICKERY, and due to WORMHOLE REASONS, my dread is TRAPPED in their hole, and their fleet is trapped in my hole. 

PATRIOT


<DROPBEARS GUYS>

<NOHO>

We are commie bastards, lol u r trap in here with us, sing a song for ransom your pod after we blow your ship

PATRIOT

<sings song>

<NOHO>

M8! Here we scanned you an exit, please continue to feed us kills scrub v0v also we are commie bastards

PATRIOT

Thx see you next time <hopefully in USTZ, you commie fucks>

EXT. J144436 – OP: USA USA USA – STILL NO IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS

What I should have been doing is focus on the fight at home, since my dread was dead no matter what (although I warped it around for like 7 minutes before they scanned me down lol). If I had reacted quickly and properly, we would have been able to potentially destroy their entire 30b ISK fleet. 

Unfortunately, my small monkey brain was unable to handle that prioritization task, and although we attempted to interdict them as they exited our hole, we managed to kill only a proteus in exchange for a few bunch of our ships (our triage was late landing on field, we are still new plz 2 forgive, and those 2 bships were lost earlier attempting to combat roll the hole).

PATRIOT

…well shit

<DROPBEARS GUYS>


PATRIOT

V0v didn’t want that dread anyway/already replaced/dead inside pls let me win eve for a few moments before we continue with this operation

Potential for a great brawl. Capital explosions. T3 explosions. Wow so shiny. Even though the outcome wasn’t what we might have hoped, I and hopefully by extension all our FCs have learned several valuable lessons about manipulating wormhole mechanics to our advantage. GF NOHO thanks for the lessons and see you next time

But BOB was just getting started with us.

EXT. J144436 – OP: USA USA USA – TIME HAS BECOME ETHEREAL

Patriot is doing his thing and some of our newbros who are showing incredible initiative, have scanned the shit out of some ridiculous chains.

<DROPBEARS SCOUT>

There’s some dudes in here.

PATRIOT

Cool can you tackle them please also everyone get in your pew pew ships

Fleet forms up, all too slowly for Patriot’s liking, as intel comes up on the hostiles: an AHAC and dictor, and a few others in t3s chilling in a POS.

PATRIOT

Ok we have plenty for to fight like 5 dudes, let’s just go before they fuck off

<DROPBEARS FLEET>

<just goes before they fuck off>

<DROPBEARS SCOUT>

lol archon on scan in warp to hole

PATRIOT

fuckn, sweet. Put on your big boy pants dudes everyone come

Patriot pings for fleet numbers and more Dropbears log on, however once again expose my inexperience in high-class wormhole mechanic manipulation shows, like a hot, shaven cameltoe. The hostile Archon jumped through the hole and back, limiting our reinforcement potential by reducing the available jump mass on the hole.

<DROPBEARS SCOUT>

The hole collapsed

PATRIOT

Shit

<DROBPEARS TRAPPED FLEET>

Pew pew pew pew

PATRIOT

<furiously multiboxing guardians>

 <makes guardian mistake and one asplodes> 

shit

<DROBPEARS TRAPPED FLEET>

????

PATRIOT

Ok we need to get away from this archon, everyone fly towards the sun and pull them out of rep range

There were a few things I could have done that would have made that fight go very differently, but in the end we got spanked pretty hard because Archon stronke.

BBP was mad at me for welping t3s while we were in the middle of an eviction =( With good reason: that wasn’t the best plan for success. In my defense I am bad at this game. GF to The Hole Next Door and much respect for the fight.

But the action still hadn’t started. 

EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA – LIKE NOON OR SOMETHING

PATRIOT

Oh isn’t that POS coming out

<DROPBEARS GUY #17>

yeah lol

PATRIOT

O lol ok let me log on and kill it hey bart come log on and kill this POS with me

BBP

What? I was asleep


<explodes and drops shit loot>


<explodes and drops shit loot>

So, technically the eviction was over. But, the action, it had not yet started.

EXT. J144436 – OP: USA USA USA – HOW CAN TIME BE REAL IF OUR EYES AREN’T REAL

Patriot is doing his thing and some of our newbros who are showing incredible initiative, have scanned the shit out of some ridiculous chains. (yes again)

<DROPBEARS SCOUT>

Hey there’s an Augoror Navy in the chain

PATRIOT

Where? Oh nvm he’s right here lol <scram pew pew pew> Also everyone log on and get in fleet and come help

We had seen several from this corp in the chain, and as we began to bring more dudes, so did they. 

INT. <OPSEC> - PATRIOT’S PLEASURE PALACE – 1 HOUR LATER

PATRIOT

Yeah you CAN BE USEFUL with Logi IV in a Guardian

LEX KAIMON

Yeah I was Logi IV in that last fight lol

PATRIOT

Oh that’s why we got neuted out and died lol

EXT. J125215 – OP:USA USA USA – IF EVERYONE DROPPED OUT OF EVE-UNI THE WHOLE UNIVERSE WOULD BE MORE INTELLIGENT

PATRIOT

Get the cap chain back up my Guardian is going down

LEX KAIMON

ze Geddon, she is neuting!

PATRIOT

<explodes>

At this point we had only one guardian, and fairly equal numbers, and I expected to incur some HEAVY LOSSES. Fortunately more reinforcements were arriving, and I was awake and on point enough to use wormhole tactics to my advantage.

PATRIOT

Rape that fucking geddon. If you get low in armor just jump through and hold cloak. I need someone to go on the other side of the hole and kill off their guys who bail.

ANIKAH ANDROMEDA

Ok <jumps through and wrecks their dudes who jump through in low structure lol>

<SOME DROPBEARS NEWBIES>

lol jumped through but didn’t hold cloak and exploded

PATRIOT

v0v already replaced?

<RANDOM WORMHOLE GUYS WE ARE FIGHTIN>


Nice. We had finally run across a group that we could proudly dickslap with our superior dick size, as opposed to getting dickslapped by their superior dick size. GF TRANSCENDENT SEDITION much respect for fast formup and bringing the fight, sorry for blob.

But the action still hadn’t started.


EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA – TIME: COMMUNIST

Deep in the twerking hours of COMMIE TZ, some crazy shit happened.

I’ll get a full report from my FCs who were on field and put it in here.

Basically we teamed up with Sleepers Social Club, one of the chillest alliances in jspace, also home to CSM members James Arget and Chitsa Jason, and #dumpstered some Russians.

Shoutouts to SSC for being bros and U N K N O W N for bringing the fight <3

EXT. J144436 – OPERATION: USA USA USA – TIME: ALSO COMMUNIST 

Oh and then apparently we blobbed theshit out of TLC and killed a couple of their t3s or something? It kind of blends together at this point, especially when my corporation is out there getting kills, and I’m at work, writing internet spaceship stories working very hard on work things.

And all of that in about 3 days span. 

OPERATION: USA USA USA was declared a success, and we embarked on our more important mission. The mission to claim our destiny.

We spent a combined total of probably 16+ hours rage rolling our static, that is, collapsing it intentionally over and over again to connect to a different C6, so that we could get a connection directly from the OP: USA hole into our intended new home. Finally, we did connect, and after we put so many ships through it that it collapsed, BOB smiled upon us and we immediately reconnected to it. We cleaned up the last of the wreckage in SOLAR’s ex-home, and completed our space-migration into our new home.

In actuality, where we now live is not OPSEC. Anyone powerful enough to harm us already knows we are here.

We live in a C6/C6 Red Giant. It is the only C6/C6 Red Giant in the game.

After nine months of no madding our way across jspace, we have finally arrived to claim our ancestral birthright amongst the stars. 


Dropbears, we are home <3


2 comments:

  1. Good post ADP. Can CMG have our C6 back now that you found a home? ;) Good writing. I enjoy every post.

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    Replies
    1. go for it ;) I'd suggest a different static though, that c1 =(((

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